Wednesday, February 12, 2014

February 12 - Weakness

Until now, I have never been very sympathetic to those with a physical addiction. Take smoking for example. I’ve always thought it should be simple to quit. Just don’t put the damn thing in your mouth! Easy, right? Or take over-eating. Just don’t shove that food in your pie-hole! Easy, right? Alchohol problem? Just don’t pour the damn drink! Easy, right? I mean, it’s a physical act that your brain decides to do, apparently with your consent. Geez, people, you should at least have control of your own damn hands!

Now I understand. As I write this, my hands itch something terrible. I know that if I succumb and scratch it may feel awesome at first, but I will pay dearly shortly thereafter. Solution is simple… do not command my right hand to move to the left hand and scratch. Easy, right? To me, not only is it not easy, it is impossible. I am doing it right now! I simply cannot help it. This lack of control drives me insane.

Now my hands hurt. The cracks have gotten worse and are oozing. My stomach and legs get hot and sweaty, apparently in eager anticipation that my hands may pay them a visit too. I have to blow the skin flakes off my keyboard to make out the difference between the keys.

I promise that when I am done with this that I will have a sympathetic understanding of addiction. I will no longer be smug in my feeling of superiority over those weaker than me.

I am the weak one now.

4 comments:

  1. ...oh yes...the skin flakes on the keyboard! I know it well.

    Even when I use my ipad instead I have to wipe the screen! Oh the fun of it.

    Your hands look sore but keep track of the photos because as the months go by you will see the progress over time.

    There is a funny thread on the itsan forum called "you know you're in TSW when..." which is full of funny one-liners you might enjoy to help see the bright side of this hell ride!

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    1. Thanks Louise. I'll check out the itsan thread.

      Here's another one-liner: I was having trouble getting my iphone to charge and realized the port was full of skin flakes. Sheesh.

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  2. Dave, my hands look like yours man... I hear you. Seems as if it would be easy enough to command yourself... "Don't scratch" Easy peezy...

    Not so much... This is a nightmare in that sense.

    Having it on the hands has really wrecked my day to day. The waist was bad enough but this, is crushing. I'm swanky from itsan in case you were wondering.

    Good luck my and try not to be hard on yourself when you scratch, just try not to rip it to pieces, which is also not easy to pull off. :-)

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    1. Thanks Swanky. I have been following your posts on itsan. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Your strength is inspirational.

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